officially missing you.

as i wind down my freshman year, i can't help but think about summer. and as i think about summer, i think about all of the memories we will create and how much fun it will be to finally be reunited with my girls ! and that's mainly because when i sit down and mute the tv and get off of facebook, i realize that i miss my crew ! and i knew that i missed them. i knew it all year. but some recent events have definitely triggered some nostalgia.

i miss walking down the harbor and randomly climbing federal hill.

i miss taking pictures of unintentional ugly faces from fxcked up angles.

i miss laughing hysterically at people and situations that only we would find hilarious.

i miss Imani's random singing and Kristen's random rambling.

i miss Toni's crazy hair and Tracie's random appearance and disappearing acts. lol.

i miss Jacquice's rude comments and the shxt that we say back.

i miss phrases like "what is the chew ?", "what is the snazz ?" "what are the firecrackers ?" [the list goes on and on]

i miss driving all around Baltimore, jamming so hard that everybody has to stare.

i miss inside jokes and inside quotes.

i just miss you.

four twenty.

everybody who knows me knows I do not partake in green leafy substances that you set on fire to see a cause and effect. clearly, now i know why. i figure that in life, you should try everything at least once - especially in college ;). and every time i try something new, i poison myself. . . literally. tingling. losing my thoughts from one minute to the next. thinking something and then actually doing and saying it out loud. screaming. laughing for miles. crying. losing my mind. losing my thoughts. losing me.

last night, i was lost.

hungry. sleepy. everything seems like it never happened. i have no recollection of doing ANYTHING. lol. but i knew i did it. and when i tried to explain that to people, they laughed. it was frustrating and scary at the same time. i could hear every word, every door, every beat and every body. when i thought i was sleep, i could hear myself snoring. creepy right ?

i ate a brownie and it was like heaven. it was so soft, chocolate and chewy. i am not even a chocolate fan. but this one brownie made changed my life and my perspective forever. people say it's because i ate the shxt instead of smoking it. . .i guess.

"I ditch my friends and make them find their own ride home" lmao.

BRUNO !

everybody knows I am a HUGE Borat fan, so for him to come out with a movie this summer is heaven on a screen. vulgar. disrespectful. hilarious. I love this guy!

I Used To Love H.E.R

when I met him, he was wearing a shirt that says "I Used To Love H.E.R".
classic Common Sense told me he could be my lover.
his almond shaped eyes turned my face bright red.
I couldn't get his comical lyrics out of my head.
two weeks later I saw him in an elevator.
and I'm laughing cause I never told him, "Imma see you later".
he was cool on the outside but his demeanor was so goofy.
I got caught up in him and not the game he was spittin to me.
...slash around me.

so that Sunday i got lost, but then he found me.
I lost respect for him; I didn't want him around me.
a scared little boy trapped in a grown man's stature.
we went to see the Cool Kids and our friendship was patched up.
had no feelings what-so-ever for him.
until he disrespected who I was as his friend.
so I let it go again.

but a few months later, I realized that this was stupid.
I just wanted a male friend; I wasn't at all searching for cupid.
but soon after the day of cupid came around,
I saw him, and I felt my heart hit the ground.
and my box of Cool Kids and Common Sense,
was replaced with Drake lyrics and some wild nonsense.
When I met him, he was wearing a shirt that said, "I Used To Love H.E.R".

Bonnie.

so i think i can freestyle. haha. but not really. this is really random but i love it.

driving fast, switching lanes O.C. weaving in and out between the mini vans in the grand marquis. and i just hit cruise control. catch me if you can cause my heart runs fast and my attention span is minimal cause I'm always on the go. make my phone ring Drake, got my love poppin like ecstasy. I'll take you to the next level like I'm hittin piano keys. and you're wondering "when and where can i get her time cause she's certainly what I would call one of a kind. she lookin like the ace...fa sho." (lol) but i don't love 'em.

They're always hittin the pedal while I'm steady pushing the brakes. and they mad. I know their girlfriends mad too because they could never make their boyfriends call and text like I do. but I don't love 'em. We kiss and make up and then I leave 'em. they takin shots and smokin blunts to have fun but I don't even need 'em. so i start running. my heart is beating faster than yours but your temperature is rising and i can't feel your pulse. then i remember, bad boys are always layin around. that's why they give me their number and they stay on the ground. I'm 10 feet tall and you're only two feet high. i don't love 'em. i don't heed 'em. i just call when i need 'em.

Ressurection Monday =\

I should have wrote this yesterday but today will suffice.

taking pictures and listening to gogo while laughing hysterically with my new found loves. my phone rang and my hysterical laughter hit hysterical tears and in less than two minutes my smile had been completely reversed and my eyes welted in frustration.

oh love, oh love, stop making a fool of me.

feelings crushed. hope crushed. once my weekend had actually started to become a weekend, it was over. two to six words. yeah, he did that.

with less than five hours of sleep, I got up and went to church for the first time in forever and I have to admit, it felt soooooo good. and i was resurrected. cliche' ? maybe but for me it was real. i was in a slump for two whole days and then on the third day, my heart rose. the song, the dance, the word of God penetrated my desecrated soul and the joy and happiness I'd been experiencing for weeks that was temporarily removed was completely restored in me. i dreaded Easter. i dreaded spending Easter alone. i dreaded finding a church and finding a ride, but all along what i needed was only beyond the spelman back gate =] later Easter Sunday, I had a KiKi Sheard/Hezekiah Walker/Donald Lawrence/Tye Tribbett experience that created in me a clean heart. within one day, i was back.

Over the 24 hours of resurrection sunday, one thing became very clear. "Guys are only human; therefore no one is any better or different than the other. God is love. Boys are boys".

you ask me how i still smile ?

. . . as you nibble on my ear and intense chills run up my spine without remorse.

. . . as you stare at me with that silly smirk on your face and amazement in your eyes -- those beautiful brown eyes that make my whole body melt like cotton candy; those beautiful brown eyes that i refuse to look into because i know i will blush.

so i smile. which is easier than saying, "i've been through so much. fxck the world."

. . . which is easier than saying "i like you a lot".

i will never forget that moment. the definition of real.