simple, yet amazing.

listen to lyrics of this song. this of of me and Imani's fave songs ever. it speaks so strongly to my soul every time i hear it. nothing but an acoustic guitar and her raw voice. raw and rare.

my favorite verse

each and every time I turn round to leave i feel my heart begin to burst and bleed // so desperately i try to link it with my head but instead i fall back to my knees // as you tear your way right through me, i forgive you // once again without me knowing you burn my heart to stone.

Melt Your Heart - Adele

light at the end of the tunnel.

school can really transform me into the ultimate...bxtch. and i hate the word. and i hate the fact that it has snuck up on my back and jilted its way into my life. random outbursts. disconnection from family and friends. malnutrition. and complete and utter frustration 24/7. lol.

for example, somebody who i am not that close to AT ALL asked me to hold my labs which take 3 hours a piece. 3 hours. and not only did she want it for herself, but she wanted for her friend too ? aww hellllll no. lol. i am so sorry but i do what i have to do to get my work done. that shxt took wayyyy too long for me to just hand it off to her ass. are you kidding me ? lol.

writing papers, doing pointless labs, journals, random assignments, tests and the whole time i have been beggggging for a break. now of course my situation could be worse. but then again, how could it be ? what's worse than feeling like a psycho trapped on campus 90% of the week ? then the other 10% that you're not on campus you're getting fast food. what the...? when did i sign up for this ? lol. no but seriously.

these past couple of weeks have been a test of endurance that i had no idea i would be particiating in. i just really want to RELAX. but even when i try to relax, i'm constantly thinking about where i have to go, what i have to do, what's due, when am i gonna do it ? why can't i just sit back and enjoy the age of 19 without feeling heavy burdens tied to my head ? lol. damn.

THANK GOD FOR THANKSGIVING BREAK. I FINALLY SEE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL : )

bad romance.

they brainwash you into thinking that there's something abnormal about being alone. . . 'doing you'. but before you can decide for yourself, they break you down, brainwash your mind with these images of relationships. the pressure is stronger than your resistance. nobody wants to go against the american way. instead, we go along with whatever and whoever we can find because we don't wanna end up alone. even if it's our natural worse enemy ?

broken music box.

all i wanna do is express my creativity.

i feel like besides my blog, my creativity has been locked in a box that can only be opened by the right person. i tried to put my writing out there but there are too many rules and stipulations. i have to choose certain words and certain topics. i can't be controversial without being conservative. so i'm left with my blog and my personal thoughts. people often say that i am a quiet person. that's true but that's mainly because i'm observing. i'm observing everything and everybody around me so that i can write about it later. lol. that may offend some people and excite others. either way, i try to get my ideas out there in other ways that don't require speech. haha.

in high school and middle school, the box was open. i sang my heart out. EVERY SINGLE DAY. choir facilitated that. church facilitated that. my musically inclined friends facilitated that. my heart was open. i've come to the point where i don't even sing in my room. why ? i feel like i'm afraid that people will judge me. i don't wanna disturb my roommate. i don't wanna receive criticism. all i wanna do is sing. but then again, i barely even have time for that. once i get out of class, go to all of the meetings, eat, and do homework, i pass out. leaving little time for me to even listen to music. lol. i feel like i'm being forced into a corner of a locked box...crowded by stress and frustration. i wish i knew somebody who had the key to let me out =\

GOD gives us AMAZING talents and when we don't use them, he takes them away. and that's a scary thought.

the facts of life .

i started spitting out relationship advice because i kept hearing/seeing females complain about their relationships with the opposite sex. soooo here goes some of my rawest thoughts lol.

1. never take relationship advice from your friend who plays the sideline hoe. most likely, she will not be able to give you an adequate response seeing as how her role in society is to be a homewrecker !

2. never make a guy feel like he's more than what he's worth. you're leaving a lot of room to be taken advantage of. if he's giving 25%, that doesn't mean you need to give 75%. that means that you probably need to just find another relationship.

3. don't try to create a mate. this ain't the sims ! by this i mean, do not settle for somebody just because you think you can mold them into who you want them to be. your relationship won't last 3 months.

4. bad boys are fun but don't try to get too serious. they say you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. same thing goes for guys. enough said.

5. never smash the homies. no guy will ever trust or want to seriously be with any girl who has smashed the homies. he might still smash if he's nasty but other than that, you're useless in his eyes.

6. if you say you're done, mean it. no guy feels like waiting around for you to make up your mind about whether or not you want to be with him. if you're mad, take a few minutes to get yourself together. don't break up and make up every two weeks. that's annoying.

7. DO NOT act like a psycho bxtch. girls who are crazy in public (or private for that matter) are NOT attractive. if you tell a dude that you love him after you threw a drink at him, said fxck you and left him at the club, 9 times out of 10, he will not give a damn ! and if he does, he definitely will not show it. you might have just lost your true love. *shrug* lol.

8. DO NOT base your whole relationship on sex. sex is great. but it will not make your relationship. if that's the only thing he's getting out of it, what would stop him from getting it from somebody else ?

9. DO NOT let other people dictate your relationship. if you don't think there's anything wrong with your relationship, don't let other people convince you that it is. how would they know how yall feel and even if they did, do they really know what you want or need ?

10. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. i am so tired of girls complaining that nobody loves them. nobody else can love you unless you love yourself. and if you can't do that, obviously you need to work on yourself before trying to build anything with anybody else. PLUS, no guy wants to deal with a needy girlfriend. they'll stay around cause they feel bad, not because they want to =\

redefining beauty .

she removes her dress and steps out of her 3 inch heels as she scrounges for her only pair of basketball shorts that she loves. she slips on her pale beige flip flops while removing all of her jewelry piece by piece. she stands at the marble sink and takes a minute to acknowledge the mirror. . . then proceeds to continuously splash her face with warm water just to flush the toxins out of her beautiful brown skin. her bold, almond shaped eyes are alone on a pallet of natural beauty. she brushes her long black hair into a ponytail where pieces are falling from the hair-tie so raggedly wrapped around her hair. she flops onto the bed without even looking. he rolls over abruptly, wraps his arms around her and squeezes her until she expels into uncontrollable laughter. a natural red tint engulfs her cheeks. upon release he whispers, i love you.

words of wisdom ;)

every other day i have a breakdown and then a major epiphany that reshapes the way i think/feel about PEOPLE.

today's epiphany : life is full of obstacles. first , you gotta get over the people.