mother dearest :)

4 weeks ago, I began my journey across the atlantic to a foreign land for a new beginning in the middle of a short story called college. i moved to ghana to start my junior year off right, away from the superficial cattiness of America, to breathe new air and set myself a part from millions of people who have doubted and diminished the value of the MOTHERLAND and all she has to offer. so far it has been a decision that i both loathe and love. you see, ghana and i are in the early/awkward stage of our relationship. her family isn't quite fond of me yet. her traditions are so different from my own. we don't exactly share similar interests in food or clothing and i'm not really comfortable in her space as of yet. she makes me tread far distances on an uneven ground. she keeps me guessing and constantly on my toes. sometimes she is really good to me and other times, she gives me a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. she rains on my parade A LOT, then sends the sun to dry all of my discontent. she makes me laugh when she reveals her complicated beauty and worth and i can't help but to wonder what's in store for us . . .

...you are my friend.

this is and always will be one of my favorite songs. hands down. when did you fall in love with hip hop ? CLASSIC.

the evil step-child.

I sympathize with my Black brothers. I really do. now don't confuse sympathizing with pity because I do not pity anyone. I see you struggle to make it to the top in a world where society makes negative assumptions about your wants or need. they push you to the bottom, caring less about your success or failure.

I see your struggle with racist police officers -- some of which look like you and me but have been re-programmed to believe that you're as hopeless as other races say you are. women don't love you for who you are but for what you have, not realizing what you have to endure to get in a position to provide for us the way that we want you to. we criticize your views, your styles and your mistakes as if we are perfect. we beg for you to be someone who you are not just to control you. what makes us any different than the rest of society ? not every woman is guilty and not every man is innocent, but both sexes play a role in the perpetuation of Black male stereotypes and it's about time that we both recognize our own mistakes.

some of you constantly face closed doors. and open doors are quickly slammed for undisclosed reasons. your options fall far from available. you're slapped and beaten with negative remarks and stigmas that disguise your capabilities and potential. you're laughed at when joining others in the game of life because your skin color is associated with a presumed intelligence or lack thereof. you are encouraged to play sports and entertain and not to fully exercise your brain. you are forced to win several rounds against society before being declared a worthy opponent and even then, you're still considered a non-threat.

i understand. society won't nurture you or provide you with the tools that you need. they'd rather lock you in a cage where they can monitor and limit your goals and intelligence. you're the one for which nobody claims responsibility. your existence is ignored and your words blend with the sounds of sirens and gunshots.

just know that there is somebody out there rooting for you :)

the golden coast.

as 'OMG' and classic snoop dogg blasted through the speakers of a black BMW , a couple of rising juniors from spelman college embarked on a journey. for some , it was a reconnection and reassurance of their love for a city. for others , it was an experience full of firsts -- first visit to the west coast , first plane ride , etc. cruising through beverly hills , hollywood , santa monica , and pasadena seemed like a surreal dream. the palm trees through which the mountains peered were perfectly aligned with one another. awakened by blue skies and sunshine , excitement and beauty. reunited from miami , baltimore , atlanta in CALIFORNIA :)

btw , i'm on a world tour to see all that i can see. currently posted in DC for the summer until my next adventure :)

sophomore year reflections :)

as i sit in a room covered in trash bags and suitcases, i HAVE to ask, where did the time go ? i feel like i slept through sophomore year lol ... for every bad day, i had 3 good ones. i could complain about the ridiculous amount of work i had to do or the friendships that dissolved, but what would be the point in reflecting on bad times ?

i have very few memories of this year but here are a few.

1. MARDI GRAS.

2. homecoming.

3. that suspect encounter with a bong. [no comment] lol.

4. random kickback w/ my fave PHILLY dudes.

5. piedmont park excursion.

6. midnight stroll in midtown.

I became closer to GOD and closer to my friends at spelman. my intellectual thoughts were challenged and critiqued. i learned a lot about myself and about what i want out of life and out of social relationships. partying is fun but i don't need to party every day or even every weekend :) i got the courage to give people a chance ; sometimes i was let down, but i don't regret stepping outside of my box. i gained some sense of independence, laughed till i cried and repeated random knowledge to my friends, lol. sitting in my room on my last night at spelman until spring 2011 [studying abroad in ghana fall 2010 !], i am nostalgic yet excited.

2 years down, 2 more to go :)

2 a.m. thoughts

1. this essay is so long that i cannot put myself through the excruciating pain or re-reading and editing it.

2. why does the second floor of the science center smell like burnt popcorn ? the better question is, how do you STILL burn popcorn at the age of 20 ?

3. is she really going out with him ?

4. i cannot wait to eat again, lol.

5. who hires the lab monitors for the 24 hr computer lab ?

6. maybe i should cut my hair when i come back from ghana since it'll probably become damaged anyway.

7. usher's confessions album is one of the only albums i can listen to from beginning to end without skipping any songs.

8. what's cool anymore ?

9. i remember being such a geek that people laughed in my face and i said nothing back, lol.

10. they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. but nobody ever says what happens when you actually get killed...

11. russian roulette by rihanna is crazy, but i love it.

12. i don't regret anything yet you're on my mind at 2:09 a.m.

13. guys really do think about women in terms of sex. how sad.

14. sophomore year was boring but somehow i'm inspired ; i miss home.

ahhhhh !

after reading a 50 page discussion about politics in nigeria, i flip to april 21, 2010 in my planner and realize that i have more 50 page readings, articles, 10 pg papers and extra credit assignments that need to be done in a matter of days and in some cases hours. as i scramble around my desk and sort through piles of essays, notebooks and ethnographic literature in search for research paper guidelines, i want to scream. grades, finals, applications. it all becomes too much for one person. but after scuffling through all of the junk that i've consumed during my sophomore year i come across a picture of myself and someone special to me. i realize that life isn't so bad after all because it's JUST school. when i leave for summer vacation, i can't go back and change the outcome of any situation from this semester. all i can do is move forward and pray that i will do better next time. life exists outside of these four walls called college. we're only here for FOUR years. TWO have already flown by. the years that are supposed to be the best years of our lives should be just that. so let's make memories :)