Tuesday, November 24, 2009

simple, yet amazing.

listen to lyrics of this song. this of of me and Imani's fave songs ever. it speaks so strongly to my soul every time i hear it. nothing but an acoustic guitar and her raw voice. raw and rare.

my favorite verse

each and every time I turn round to leave i feel my heart begin to burst and bleed // so desperately i try to link it with my head but instead i fall back to my knees // as you tear your way right through me, i forgive you // once again without me knowing you burn my heart to stone.

Melt Your Heart - Adele

Monday, November 23, 2009

light at the end of the tunnel.

school can really transform me into the ultimate...bxtch. and i hate the word. and i hate the fact that it has snuck up on my back and jilted its way into my life. random outbursts. disconnection from family and friends. malnutrition. and complete and utter frustration 24/7. lol.

for example, somebody who i am not that close to AT ALL asked me to hold my labs which take 3 hours a piece. 3 hours. and not only did she want it for herself, but she wanted for her friend too ? aww hellllll no. lol. i am so sorry but i do what i have to do to get my work done. that shxt took wayyyy too long for me to just hand it off to her ass. are you kidding me ? lol.

writing papers, doing pointless labs, journals, random assignments, tests and the whole time i have been beggggging for a break. now of course my situation could be worse. but then again, how could it be ? what's worse than feeling like a psycho trapped on campus 90% of the week ? then the other 10% that you're not on campus you're getting fast food. what the...? when did i sign up for this ? lol. no but seriously.

these past couple of weeks have been a test of endurance that i had no idea i would be particiating in. i just really want to RELAX. but even when i try to relax, i'm constantly thinking about where i have to go, what i have to do, what's due, when am i gonna do it ? why can't i just sit back and enjoy the age of 19 without feeling heavy burdens tied to my head ? lol. damn.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

bad romance.

they brainwash you into thinking that there's something abnormal about being alone. . . 'doing you'. but before you can decide for yourself, they break you down, brainwash your mind with these images of relationships. the pressure is stronger than your resistance. nobody wants to go against the american way. instead, we go along with whatever and whoever we can find because we don't wanna end up alone. even if it's our natural worse enemy ?

Friday, November 13, 2009

broken music box.

all i wanna do is express my creativity.

i feel like besides my blog, my creativity has been locked in a box that can only be opened by the right person. i tried to put my writing out there but there are too many rules and stipulations. i have to choose certain words and certain topics. i can't be controversial without being conservative. so i'm left with my blog and my personal thoughts. people often say that i am a quiet person. that's true but that's mainly because i'm observing. i'm observing everything and everybody around me so that i can write about it later. lol. that may offend some people and excite others. either way, i try to get my ideas out there in other ways that don't require speech. haha.

in high school and middle school, the box was open. i sang my heart out. EVERY SINGLE DAY. choir facilitated that. church facilitated that. my musically inclined friends facilitated that. my heart was open. i've come to the point where i don't even sing in my room. why ? i feel like i'm afraid that people will judge me. i don't wanna disturb my roommate. i don't wanna receive criticism. all i wanna do is sing. but then again, i barely even have time for that. once i get out of class, go to all of the meetings, eat, and do homework, i pass out. leaving little time for me to even listen to music. lol. i feel like i'm being forced into a corner of a locked box...crowded by stress and frustration. i wish i knew somebody who had the key to let me out =\

GOD gives us AMAZING talents and when we don't use them, he takes them away. and that's a scary thought.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

the facts of life .

i started spitting out relationship advice because i kept hearing/seeing females complain about their relationships with the opposite sex. soooo here goes some of my rawest thoughts lol.

1. never take relationship advice from your friend who plays the sideline hoe. most likely, she will not be able to give you an adequate response seeing as how her role in society is to be a homewrecker !

2. never make a guy feel like he's more than what he's worth. you're leaving a lot of room to be taken advantage of. if he's giving 25%, that doesn't mean you need to give 75%. that means that you probably need to just find another relationship.

3. don't try to create a mate. this ain't the sims ! by this i mean, do not settle for somebody just because you think you can mold them into who you want them to be. your relationship won't last 3 months.

4. bad boys are fun but don't try to get too serious. they say you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. same thing goes for guys. enough said.

5. never smash the homies. no guy will ever trust or want to seriously be with any girl who has smashed the homies. he might still smash if he's nasty but other than that, you're useless in his eyes.

6. if you say you're done, mean it. no guy feels like waiting around for you to make up your mind about whether or not you want to be with him. if you're mad, take a few minutes to get yourself together. don't break up and make up every two weeks. that's annoying.

7. DO NOT act like a psycho bxtch. girls who are crazy in public (or private for that matter) are NOT attractive. if you tell a dude that you love him after you threw a drink at him, said fxck you and left him at the club, 9 times out of 10, he will not give a damn ! and if he does, he definitely will not show it. you might have just lost your true love. *shrug* lol.

8. DO NOT base your whole relationship on sex. sex is great. but it will not make your relationship. if that's the only thing he's getting out of it, what would stop him from getting it from somebody else ?

9. DO NOT let other people dictate your relationship. if you don't think there's anything wrong with your relationship, don't let other people convince you that it is. how would they know how yall feel and even if they did, do they really know what you want or need ?

10. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. i am so tired of girls complaining that nobody loves them. nobody else can love you unless you love yourself. and if you can't do that, obviously you need to work on yourself before trying to build anything with anybody else. PLUS, no guy wants to deal with a needy girlfriend. they'll stay around cause they feel bad, not because they want to =\

Monday, November 9, 2009

redefining beauty .

she removes her dress and steps out of her 3 inch heels as she scrounges for her only pair of basketball shorts that she loves. she slips on her pale beige flip flops while removing all of her jewelry piece by piece. she stands at the marble sink and takes a minute to acknowledge the mirror. . . then proceeds to continuously splash her face with warm water just to flush the toxins out of her beautiful brown skin. her bold, almond shaped eyes are alone on a pallet of natural beauty. she brushes her long black hair into a ponytail where pieces are falling from the hair-tie so raggedly wrapped around her hair. she flops onto the bed without even looking. he rolls over abruptly, wraps his arms around her and squeezes her until she expels into uncontrollable laughter. a natural red tint engulfs her cheeks. upon release he whispers, i love you.

words of wisdom ;)

every other day i have a breakdown and then a major epiphany that reshapes the way i think/feel about PEOPLE.

today's epiphany : life is full of obstacles. first , you gotta get over the people.

Friday, November 6, 2009

this goes so hard ! lmao.

if you're not from baltimore , you probably wouldn't understand . hahaha. this is a summary of our pre-college lifestyle in about three videos . enjoy :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

lustful thinking.

softly whisper in my ear and caress me with the ideas at your fingertips

you tickle my thoughts when your tongue flickers

and lubricate my cerebrum .

you exert pressure , provoking reactions

stimulating hidden nerves

sending electric chills up and down my spine

intensifying the functions of the cerebellum

increasing my energy

and rejuvenating ME

finally, you slowly seduce my brain stem

using your lips to extract my last breath

. . . just to entice me .

I'm weak.

my body melts into relaxation

releasing complex and utter frustration

intellectual bliss.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

oh em gee. lawd take me now !

this should be illegal. period. my guy is great but damnnnn. lol. trey does it AGAIN.

out of the box.

we used to call a woman with little to no fashion sense , no make-up and no particularly amazing physical features a plain jane but now in the turn of the 21st century , we have coined the term "basic bxtches" -- mostly because it's hilarious . a basic bxtch is the new BLACK plain jane and the polar opposite of a 5star or BAD bxtch .

1. can we please stop calling ourselves bxtches ? lol .

2. define BAD.

when i ask most guys to define a bad female, they say she has sex appeal, looks pretty with or without make-up, has an amazing body, and dresses nicely. well i completely agree but i don't think that a female without all of these features is necessarily basic either. if you are comfortable with your figure, in converses, jeans and a t-shirt, be comfortable. in my opinion, being bad does not constitute that you wear heels everyday and pile on tons of make-up and an outfit that accentuates everything. i think it has more to do with your personal style and your confidence. it's a catch 22 because so many girls think that posessing all of these qualities will make her confident but in order to posess these qualities, you have to be confident in the first place. that's the key to being bad.

the messages that subliminally influence our everyday lives make it hard for girls to appreciate their own beauty and to be confident in themselves. everybody is too busy being "the baddest" or a freakin barbie doll that they're missing the bigger picture. i'll admit that i am flattered when a guy says, "shawty bad" or whatever lol. but at the same time, i'm not trying to please anyone but myself. at the end of the day, you're your own biggest fan. so be the baddest YOU that you can be. don't let dudes, songs, artist or the media define who you are or who you wanna be.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


this snuggie commercial has me weak! this lowkey made my night =]

my anthem :)

I LOVE THIS SONG AND THIS VIDEO WITH ALL OF MY HEART. her voice is amazing. the message is amazing. she says what we are all thinking.

Adele - Chasing Pavements - Watch a funny movie here


everyday of our lives, we interact with people in some way or another. we may wave in passing, nod in acknowledgement or even give somebody a hug who we haven't seen in a while. either way, people are walking in and out of our lives. we are constantly on the go. we have a lot of places we need to be and a lot of times we don't have time to acknowledge every little encounter.

today i made the statement that people walk in and out of our lives everyday; why not let them ?

before i came to college, i used to think that people would mature and change for the better because it was the right thing to do. i don't know why i believed that stupid shxt. i consider myself to be a realist and whatever is in front of me, is what i go with. if you want to be a friend, be a true friend. but don't maneuver your way in and out of people's lives only for your personal benefit. that would make you a bxtch.

associates come and go. friends leave footprints. if somebody goes missing from your life for a period of time and your life continues without any thought about that person, why would you care that they are gone ? 9/10 they don't that they're absent from your life. if somebody betrays you in such a way that hurts your feelings, why would you be upset ? that's one less liar in the midst. we are constantly searching for the truth but the truth hurts. and often when we find it, we refuse to let it enhance our knowledge. instead we hide from it. the truth is that we can't always look the other way and keep it moving. we can't always kick niggas to the curb. and we can't always hold back our tears. but the reality of the situation is that all 200 people that you know , can NOT be your friends. only about 10 of them will really matter and in most cases the number is much smaller than that.

i look at it like this, the people that are in your life, are there for a reason -- either to teach you a lesson or be a blessing. lessons are learned and we move on. blessings are received and appreciated. don't linger on lessons because then that means you didn't get the memo the first time you saw shade in your "friend". but do appreciate the blessings in your life and let them know everyday :) and be a blessing to others as well.