Sunday, December 20, 2009

back to the basics!

sometimes we get so caught up in "higher learning" that we abandon the basics. kindergarten is one of our fondest memories of school and we loved learning. this is why. this excerpt is from all i ever needed to know, i learned in kindergarten. enjoy :)

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand box at nursery school.

These are the things I learned:

1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don't hit people.
4. Put things back where you found them.
5. Clean up your own mess.
6. Don't take things that aren't yours.
7. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are food for you.
11. Live a balanced life.
12. Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.

Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why. We are like that.

And then remember that book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK! Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology, and politics and the sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Friday, December 18, 2009

irony at its best.


well, it's snowing on the upper east coast. all i can think about is all of the things i had planned for the weekend that have been obliterated. this is just another classic case of GOD laughing at me ( us ) for deciding what we're gonna do when ultimately he has his own plan ;). there's something rather ironic about how a snow storm can be so peaceful. the roads are less traveled and snow falls so quietly that you don't know the extent of the storm until after the fact. all you can do is wait. snow forces us to be patient and work on GOD's time. kinda funny, don't you think ?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

control your temper!

so apparently a fan threw their wallet at kid cudi during his concert in vancouver. and he gave it back to someone who it did not belong to. the person threw it back at him because they knew it was not theirs. kid cudi punches the fan in the face ? huh ? these people paid money to come see you perform and you punch them in their face ? why couldn't he have just kept the wallet ? lol. *shrug*

here's the video.

foolish.


so i usually don't comment on the foolishness of the media and athletes , buttt some things are just ridiculous. in a matter of one week, tiger woods' approval rate dropped over 50% after getting into a car accident running from his angry wife who found out he was cheating on her. 8/10 athletes cheat on their wives and we do not spend more than one day on their story. hell, 6/10 americans cheat on their spouses. so why is this any different ?

when tiger woods came onto the scene , white people automatically claimed him as "one of theirs" because he was mixed and he was amazing. he didn't have any drama surrounding him or his lifestyle and he was a golf phenomenon. he didn't display stereotypical characteristics of other black athletes and most of all he played golf... now that we have found out about his numerous marital improprieties, white people (who control the media) have completely thrown him under the bus. the man is living on his yacht, considering moving to France ? AND has decided to take infinite leave from the golfing world. what ? because he cheated on his wife ? because he's embarrassed ? i will admit, he is a punk for that though.

regardless of how perfect we may want them to be as our role models, they are not. we hold these celebrities and athletes on this unrealistic pedestal where they represent America. they are just as important as the president and little kids aspire to be like them, not the president. children -- especially black children -- want to be athletes because it's cool but they're not nearly as interested in being smart. that's a problem.

why are we wasting so much time talking about the trivial mistakes and behaviors of NORMAL people who happen to have athletic talent, trapped in a box of perfection that does not exist ? meanwhile, troops are still dying, 16% of children are living below the poverty line and even people in the "middle class" are living pay check to pay check ? is this really what's important right now ? i have heard more about tiger woods than i have heard about the actual healthcare bill and what it entails and what it means for the american people. as a nation that is so obsessed with celebrity, will the important things ever really matter ?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

out of the box.


we used to call a woman with little to no fashion sense , no make-up and no particularly amazing physical features a plain jane but now in the turn of the 21st century , we have coined the term "basic bxtches" -- mostly because it's hilarious . a basic bxtch is the new BLACK plain jane and the polar opposite of a 5star or BAD bxtch .

1. can we please stop calling ourselves bxtches ? lol .

2. define BAD.

when i ask most guys to define a bad female, they say:
- she has sex appeal
- looks pretty with or without make-up
- has an amazing body
- dresses nicely

well i completely agree but i don't think that a female without all of these features is necessarily basic either. if you are comfortable with your figure, in converses, jeans and a t-shirt, be comfortable. in my opinion, being bad does not constitute that you wear heels everyday and pile on tons of make-up and an outfit that accentuates everything. i think it has more to do with your personal style and your confidence. it's a catch 22 because so many girls think that posessing all of these qualities will make her confident but in order to posess these qualities, you have to be confident in the first place. that's the key to being bad. CONFIDENCE.

the messages that subliminally influence our everyday lives make it hard for girls to appreciate their own beauty and to be confident in themselves. everybody is too busy being "the baddest" or a freakin barbie doll that they're missing the bigger picture. i'll admit that i am flattered when a guy says, "shawty bad" or whatever lol. but at the same time, i'm not trying to please anyone but myself. at the end of the day, you're your own biggest fan. so be the baddest YOU that you can be. don't let dudes, songs, artist or the media define who you are or who you wanna be.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

simple, yet amazing.

listen to lyrics of this song. this of of me and Imani's fave songs ever. it speaks so strongly to my soul every time i hear it. nothing but an acoustic guitar and her raw voice. raw and rare.

my favorite verse

each and every time I turn round to leave i feel my heart begin to burst and bleed // so desperately i try to link it with my head but instead i fall back to my knees // as you tear your way right through me, i forgive you // once again without me knowing you burn my heart to stone.


Melt Your Heart - Adele

Monday, November 23, 2009

light at the end of the tunnel.

school can really transform me into the ultimate...bxtch. and i hate the word. and i hate the fact that it has snuck up on my back and jilted its way into my life. random outbursts. disconnection from family and friends. malnutrition. and complete and utter frustration 24/7. lol.

for example, somebody who i am not that close to AT ALL asked me to hold my labs which take 3 hours a piece. 3 hours. and not only did she want it for herself, but she wanted for her friend too ? aww hellllll no. lol. i am so sorry but i do what i have to do to get my work done. that shxt took wayyyy too long for me to just hand it off to her ass. are you kidding me ? lol.

writing papers, doing pointless labs, journals, random assignments, tests and the whole time i have been beggggging for a break. now of course my situation could be worse. but then again, how could it be ? what's worse than feeling like a psycho trapped on campus 90% of the week ? then the other 10% that you're not on campus you're getting fast food. what the...? when did i sign up for this ? lol. no but seriously.

these past couple of weeks have been a test of endurance that i had no idea i would be particiating in. i just really want to RELAX. but even when i try to relax, i'm constantly thinking about where i have to go, what i have to do, what's due, when am i gonna do it ? why can't i just sit back and enjoy the age of 19 without feeling heavy burdens tied to my head ? lol. damn.

THANK GOD FOR THANKSGIVING BREAK. I FINALLY SEE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL : )

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

bad romance.

they brainwash you into thinking that there's something abnormal about being alone. . . 'doing you'. but before you can decide for yourself, they break you down, brainwash your mind with these images of relationships. the pressure is stronger than your resistance. nobody wants to go against the american way. instead, we go along with whatever and whoever we can find because we don't wanna end up alone. even if it's our natural worse enemy ?

Friday, November 13, 2009

broken music box.

all i wanna do is express my creativity.

i feel like besides my blog, my creativity has been locked in a box that can only be opened by the right person. i tried to put my writing out there but there are too many rules and stipulations. i have to choose certain words and certain topics. i can't be controversial without being conservative. so i'm left with my blog and my personal thoughts. people often say that i am a quiet person. that's true but that's mainly because i'm observing. i'm observing everything and everybody around me so that i can write about it later. lol. that may offend some people and excite others. either way, i try to get my ideas out there in other ways that don't require speech. haha.

in high school and middle school, the box was open. i sang my heart out. EVERY SINGLE DAY. choir facilitated that. church facilitated that. my musically inclined friends facilitated that. my heart was open. i've come to the point where i don't even sing in my room. why ? i feel like i'm afraid that people will judge me. i don't wanna disturb my roommate. i don't wanna receive criticism. all i wanna do is sing. but then again, i barely even have time for that. once i get out of class, go to all of the meetings, eat, and do homework, i pass out. leaving little time for me to even listen to music. lol. i feel like i'm being forced into a corner of a locked box...crowded by stress and frustration. i wish i knew somebody who had the key to let me out =\

GOD gives us AMAZING talents and when we don't use them, he takes them away. and that's a scary thought.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

the facts of life .

i started spitting out relationship advice because i kept hearing/seeing females complain about their relationships with the opposite sex. soooo here goes some of my rawest thoughts lol.

1. never take relationship advice from your friend who plays the sideline hoe. most likely, she will not be able to give you an adequate response seeing as how her role in society is to be a homewrecker !

2. never make a guy feel like he's more than what he's worth. you're leaving a lot of room to be taken advantage of. if he's giving 25%, that doesn't mean you need to give 75%. that means that you probably need to just find another relationship.

3. don't try to create a mate. this ain't the sims ! by this i mean, do not settle for somebody just because you think you can mold them into who you want them to be. your relationship won't last 3 months.

4. bad boys are fun but don't try to get too serious. they say you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. same thing goes for guys. enough said.

5. never smash the homies. no guy will ever trust or want to seriously be with any girl who has smashed the homies. he might still smash if he's nasty but other than that, you're useless in his eyes.

6. if you say you're done, mean it. no guy feels like waiting around for you to make up your mind about whether or not you want to be with him. if you're mad, take a few minutes to get yourself together. don't break up and make up every two weeks. that's annoying.

7. DO NOT act like a psycho bxtch. girls who are crazy in public (or private for that matter) are NOT attractive. if you tell a dude that you love him after you threw a drink at him, said fxck you and left him at the club, 9 times out of 10, he will not give a damn ! and if he does, he definitely will not show it. you might have just lost your true love. *shrug* lol.

8. DO NOT base your whole relationship on sex. sex is great. but it will not make your relationship. if that's the only thing he's getting out of it, what would stop him from getting it from somebody else ?

9. DO NOT let other people dictate your relationship. if you don't think there's anything wrong with your relationship, don't let other people convince you that it is. how would they know how yall feel and even if they did, do they really know what you want or need ?

10. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. i am so tired of girls complaining that nobody loves them. nobody else can love you unless you love yourself. and if you can't do that, obviously you need to work on yourself before trying to build anything with anybody else. PLUS, no guy wants to deal with a needy girlfriend. they'll stay around cause they feel bad, not because they want to =\

Monday, November 9, 2009

redefining beauty .

she removes her dress and steps out of her 3 inch heels as she scrounges for her only pair of basketball shorts that she loves. she slips on her pale beige flip flops while removing all of her jewelry piece by piece. she stands at the marble sink and takes a minute to acknowledge the mirror. . . then proceeds to continuously splash her face with warm water just to flush the toxins out of her beautiful brown skin. her bold, almond shaped eyes are alone on a pallet of natural beauty. she brushes her long black hair into a ponytail where pieces are falling from the hair-tie so raggedly wrapped around her hair. she flops onto the bed without even looking. he rolls over abruptly, wraps his arms around her and squeezes her until she expels into uncontrollable laughter. a natural red tint engulfs her cheeks. upon release he whispers, i love you.

words of wisdom ;)

every other day i have a breakdown and then a major epiphany that reshapes the way i think/feel about PEOPLE.

today's epiphany : life is full of obstacles. first , you gotta get over the people.

Friday, November 6, 2009

this goes so hard ! lmao.

if you're not from baltimore , you probably wouldn't understand . hahaha. this is a summary of our pre-college lifestyle in about three videos . enjoy :)





Thursday, November 5, 2009

lustful thinking.

softly whisper in my ear and caress me with the ideas at your fingertips

you tickle my thoughts when your tongue flickers

and lubricate my cerebrum .

you exert pressure , provoking reactions

stimulating hidden nerves

sending electric chills up and down my spine

intensifying the functions of the cerebellum

increasing my energy

and rejuvenating ME



finally, you slowly seduce my brain stem

using your lips to extract my last breath

. . . just to entice me .

I'm weak.



my body melts into relaxation

releasing complex and utter frustration

intellectual bliss.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

oh em gee. lawd take me now !

this should be illegal. period. my guy is great but damnnnn. lol. trey does it AGAIN.

out of the box.

we used to call a woman with little to no fashion sense , no make-up and no particularly amazing physical features a plain jane but now in the turn of the 21st century , we have coined the term "basic bxtches" -- mostly because it's hilarious . a basic bxtch is the new BLACK plain jane and the polar opposite of a 5star or BAD bxtch .


1. can we please stop calling ourselves bxtches ? lol .

2. define BAD.

when i ask most guys to define a bad female, they say she has sex appeal, looks pretty with or without make-up, has an amazing body, and dresses nicely. well i completely agree but i don't think that a female without all of these features is necessarily basic either. if you are comfortable with your figure, in converses, jeans and a t-shirt, be comfortable. in my opinion, being bad does not constitute that you wear heels everyday and pile on tons of make-up and an outfit that accentuates everything. i think it has more to do with your personal style and your confidence. it's a catch 22 because so many girls think that posessing all of these qualities will make her confident but in order to posess these qualities, you have to be confident in the first place. that's the key to being bad.

the messages that subliminally influence our everyday lives make it hard for girls to appreciate their own beauty and to be confident in themselves. everybody is too busy being "the baddest" or a freakin barbie doll that they're missing the bigger picture. i'll admit that i am flattered when a guy says, "shawty bad" or whatever lol. but at the same time, i'm not trying to please anyone but myself. at the end of the day, you're your own biggest fan. so be the baddest YOU that you can be. don't let dudes, songs, artist or the media define who you are or who you wanna be.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

lmmfao!

this snuggie commercial has me weak! this lowkey made my night =]

my anthem :)

I LOVE THIS SONG AND THIS VIDEO WITH ALL OF MY HEART. her voice is amazing. the message is amazing. she says what we are all thinking.


Adele - Chasing Pavements - Watch a funny movie here

footprints.

everyday of our lives, we interact with people in some way or another. we may wave in passing, nod in acknowledgement or even give somebody a hug who we haven't seen in a while. either way, people are walking in and out of our lives. we are constantly on the go. we have a lot of places we need to be and a lot of times we don't have time to acknowledge every little encounter.

today i made the statement that people walk in and out of our lives everyday; why not let them ?

before i came to college, i used to think that people would mature and change for the better because it was the right thing to do. i don't know why i believed that stupid shxt. i consider myself to be a realist and whatever is in front of me, is what i go with. if you want to be a friend, be a true friend. but don't maneuver your way in and out of people's lives only for your personal benefit. that would make you a bxtch.

associates come and go. friends leave footprints. if somebody goes missing from your life for a period of time and your life continues without any thought about that person, why would you care that they are gone ? 9/10 they don't that they're absent from your life. if somebody betrays you in such a way that hurts your feelings, why would you be upset ? that's one less liar in the midst. we are constantly searching for the truth but the truth hurts. and often when we find it, we refuse to let it enhance our knowledge. instead we hide from it. the truth is that we can't always look the other way and keep it moving. we can't always kick niggas to the curb. and we can't always hold back our tears. but the reality of the situation is that all 200 people that you know , can NOT be your friends. only about 10 of them will really matter and in most cases the number is much smaller than that.

i look at it like this, the people that are in your life, are there for a reason -- either to teach you a lesson or be a blessing. lessons are learned and we move on. blessings are received and appreciated. don't linger on lessons because then that means you didn't get the memo the first time you saw shade in your "friend". but do appreciate the blessings in your life and let them know everyday :) and be a blessing to others as well.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

robots.


we are all human but how come we can't accomplish basic human interactions ? genuine hugs are uncommon. we lack the energy or desire to participate in genuine conversation with one another -- especially the opposite sex. we view crying as a weakness. we oppress our feelings. we dispel our thoughts. we're engulfed in work and school. we are trained to be self sufficient. money has become our main motive for success. happiness is searched for but often equated with what we want instead of what we have. we spend hours with technology and we barely pay attention to the world around us.


we are desensitized to violence and death -- or at least we pretend to be. being afraid is seen as a reflection of inadequacy. people like people for what they have, not who they are. true friends are limited and our social lives are based on drugs, alcohol and parties. we learn about other people through their tweets and judge them by their facebook pictures. we probably have never held a conversation with any of the people we "know" a day in our lives.


our lives have become mechanic. at any time, we are susceptible to crash. and it's not that we want to be robotic, but we have been programmed to think that emotion is negative. we are afraid that carrying out human emotion will destroy our system. we fear that emotion will stop our heart, soften our backbone and peel layers from our skin. emotion has become acidic to us. why do we view our feelings as pathogens ? why do we believed that whatever our mind can not necessarily control is trying to attack us ? why are we attacking ourselves ?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

suffocation.

i tip toe around your thoughts because i'm afraid that you'll open the door
only to slam it in my face
i whisper to circumvent your reactions --
that slip through your lips so unbecomingly
and push me back 200 feet away from you . . .
that make me just walk away
so that i can ignore your short-comings and bury my insecurities
and disguise unrealistic dreams as hopeless possibilities
i suffocate . . . believing that you will help me breathe
instead you suck my last breath
and i choke on frustration that infiltrates my airways
it can easily stop my heartbeat.

i watch the hour hand over and over again
i watch the numbers on the calendar come and go
and you still remain the same
as my lipstick color brightens and make-up paints my face
and my eyes turn red and gaze at the same spot in admiration
my heart softens, my jaws clinch, i stop breathing.

h e a r t b r e a k.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

it's not a game =/

in addition to breast cancer awareness month, it's domestic violence awareness month as well. most people say it could never happen to them, but only GOD knows what will happen to you. we criticize domestic violence vicitms for not getting out of the situation but when your life is on the line, there is no telling what you will do.

when somebody is holding a gun to your head, they are controlling your life at the end of that barrel. you could be wiped off of the earth in a second or live to see your child graduate from kindergarten. it's not as clear cut as most people would think. and as much as you may hate the person holding that gun to your head, you can't just walk away. why ? because you're afraid. not because you love him. not because of the kids. simply because you fear for your life. and as crazy as it may sound, if you had to choose between being smacked and being shot, what would you choose ? at that moment, what would you do ?

now in no way am i saying that domestic abuse is okay or that victims should stay because they're scared. i'm just laying out the situation for those who are blind or ignorant. people say "leave the first time that he hits you". but before you judge, stop and think that it could have been you.

domestic violence is serious. it's not funny. it's not a game. we shouldn't criticize the victims.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

fall.

i see you slowly changing
and i watch you flicker like a candle in the dark
i inhale one more time.

you've soaked up all of the warmth that I have given you
and now you're leaving me
gently falling
being carried away with the wind

i chase you because i am foolish
because i want you to stay
because i am selfish

now i'm cold
and you're nothing but a bittersweet memory
molded into the earth and forever in my heart

Sunday, October 11, 2009

P.U.S.H.

midterms are this week and i plan on spending every minute working on this 4.0. i speak greatness into existence because i believe in GOD and i believe in P.U.S.H. pray until something happens. good luck!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

twibbon <3


october is breast cancer awareness month and i love the fact that twitter has added a "twibbon" aka a pink ribbon to pictures of those who retweeted the suggestion. think pink :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

can we kick it ?

scientists predict that by the year of 2020, the leading disease in the U.S. will be depression.

with all of the technology that infilitrates our day to day lives, it's hard to even have physical human contact with another person. even when we are face to face with other people, we are constantly looking at our phones, ipods, mp3s, or laptops. humans are naturally social creatures so that lack of socializing will eventually take a serious toll on americans -- if it hasn't already. i've noticed that i barely call anyone on the phone except for my mother or my dude because for our generation, phone calls are unneccessary. texting is easier because you don't have to actually speak. a person can send a text and feel a certain kind of way and the person receiving that text would never know. all you have to do is look down at your phone to keep up with what's going on. you could go all day without saying a word. it's sad really.

i can see how depression will set in. i am the type of person that doesn't neccessarily like to be around people 24/7 but i do like to talk. and when i am unable to do that, it affects my mood and my morale.

it's becoming harder and harder to develop relationships around so much technology. facebook and twitter posts express feelings of love and/or hate towards other people or a significant other. instead of talking to one another, people vent on their statuses to gain public attention or opinion. relationships are no longer between 2 people. it's between those 2 people, facebook, twitter and anybody else who decides to read along.

will we as americans ever be able to effectively communicate in a few years ?

lmao! funniest ish everrrr.

if you don't think this is funny, i feel sorry for you. lol.

this is not about the music, lol.

i'm sorry but aubrey and marshall make my life in this video. super yummmy!

Monday, October 5, 2009

stress reliever.

make my pupils dilate.

take me to un-natural heights that cloud my brain and blur my vision.

white green purple.

soar above the clouds and across the world.

elevate my senses.

starve me for more.

make me shake and quiver, convulsing.

chills chase the sweat up and down my spine.

complete delirium.

floating.

i don't wanna come down.

Friday, October 2, 2009

black barbies.







for all of those young black women who love to call themselves barbie dolls, here you go. mattel has released a new line of black barbies called the so in style aka s.i.s barbies. personally, i don't think that anything about the barbie dolls is offensive. people say that because they're wearing gold earrings and silver chains that its racist. one person said "all black people don't like hip hop". all white people aren't driving pink convertibles or wearing mini skirts but barbie does. what they're wearing is beside the point. it's a toy.
the dolls come with a little sister to promote mentoring which is another cool aspect. on top of that, these dolls are for CHILDREN, not for adults. growing up, my parents would not even purchase white dolls period. so i always had to play with crystal or the hispanic barbie or the special edition brandy doll. lol. i couldn't comb through their hair and that sucked then. but these barbies allow you to comb through their hair, wash it, curl it and straighten it. yet, people are saying that it's offensive because all black people don't have kinky hair.

if you don't like the dolls, you don't have to buy them. but otherwise, shup up and let the kids play.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

let me set the record straight.

i think the hardest thing to understand is the disillusionment of the concept of love. yes, it is beautiful. but it is not always kind. every now and then, you will argue, not fight (domestic violence is not okay lol). and she will push all of your buttons because that's what girls like to do. and he will put on his best nonchalant suit and try to ignore everything that you say because that's what guys like to do.

when she's in a bad mood, you'll have to try to lighten the mood without pissing her off. when he's not communicating, you'll have to get his attention even when you don't have the energy. sometimes you'll have to listen to her long, detailed stories when you haven't had any sleep. [she'll need your shoulder to cry on] there are times when you'll have to look her in the face and lie and tell her that everything will be ok -- even if you know that it won't be. there will be times when he'll need you to have more faith in him than he has in himself. there will be a lot of tears, anger, confusion and frustration. but there will also be a lot of happiness, smiles, and moments that will last forever. you won't always understand her and she won't always understand you. and sometimes you'll think about walking away. you'll think about indulging that guy you met across the street. you'll think about calling that girl who makes you laugh and forget about your problems. you'll think about saying "fxck you". and sometimes, you just might.

but it's not all bad. there will be a week where everything is great and you'll both spend the majority of the time smiling at each other and building memories. you'll spend time laughing and enjoying each other's company. you'll learn that you are both multifaceted people with multifaceted needs. you'll learn what it means to love.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

straight yummy .

his name is adam rodriguez. he played on csi : miami for a while and recently he starred in tyler perry's i can do bad by myself. 1/3 cubano and 3/4 puerto rican ! anddd he's an avid obama supporter. yummm.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

just breathe.

today seemed like the worse.

i had a test that i didn't fully study for, a thesis paper due for an unsure idea and back to back classes and meetings. 4 to 5 hours of sleep. decisions slapping me in the face left and right. questions about the future. it all came crashing down on me at one moment. i call it college.

i called mom and she lifted my spirits being supportive and offering advice as usual.

then i called stan the man, who is always comforting and offering advice based on how intimately he knows me. and then my bro marvin got on the phone being the icing on the cake. he told me "not to quit and keep competing with these bxtches and stay on my shxt." lmao.

i love my family and friends from back home. they always know just what to say to make me smile. just to know that there are so many people rooting for me, makes me breathe easier.

Friday, September 25, 2009

anonymous.

when i found out you were coming, i felt my stomach at my feet. i could barely fathom the concept of my own life. . . let alone the life of another. in disbelief, i lost it and wondered if anyone else knew. every hour of every day was unfocused. my teeth grinding. my skin pale. my eyes red. i took a chance and made mistakes and now i thought the whole world was watching. paranoid. delusional. scared. barely sleeping or eating. i tried to make myself believe that you would go away but you didn't. you stayed and you made me sick to my stomach every day you were here. i despised you but i despised myself even more. i couldn't look in the mirror. i couldn't look into anyone's eyes. there could be no we. that's what i decided for me. a decision that made you disappear forever that made my heart dissipate into small piece scattered like ashes in the wind. you loved me but i couldn't love you more than i loved myself.

anonymous

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when you used to hold me at night, i felt safe. i felt a sense of well being for at least one part of my day - almost every day. the uncontrollable shaking, coughing and nausea that consumed my body when i should have been sleeping began to take a toll on who i was. it began to take a toll on you. your brown eyes reflected everything that you saw in me. but i never saw fear. i never saw doubt. i never saw unhappiness. all i saw was love. all of the times that you picked me up from the ground, held a cold washcloth over my forehead, gave me water and rubbed my back were not in vain. my weakness didn't matter because you were stronger than the both of us. the constant nightmares that interrupted your slumber and mine are gone now. and all that's left is us.

love,
anonymous


and just when you think your life is a complete mess, remember that you are blessed.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

poison.

something about you entices my senses .
your scent is like heroin that fills every crevice of my being .
i'm hooked .
i crave the pinch that indicates that soon my cravings will subside .
but when the needle infiltrates my veins , it's intense .
instead of being relaxed , my feelings are intensified .
the magnitude of my inner thoughts increases .
and i feel as if my mind is frozen , shocked by a irreplicable drug .
pain is anticipated but the momentary feeling is sweet
like a diabetic cheat .
you delve into the deepest part of me
a unique experience that ignites my blood,
makes my cheeks red and my limbs soft,
and my heart softer
until it explodes .

Saturday, September 19, 2009

f y i .

i love quotes in case you didn't know. so here are a few of my favorites !

i believe that harmonies are colors. every time i paint, it sharpens my harmonies. yesterday i tried to paint you but the colors weren't beautiful enough. your love goes beyond what i can say.

and i don't think you're beautiful ; i think you're beyond it.

maturity is when selfish behavior leaves the room and self control steps in.

god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change ; courage to change the things that i can ; and wisdom to know the difference .

imma throw shade if i can't get paid. lol.

in the beginning was the word and the word was with GOD and the word was GOD.

an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

[subject to change]

Friday, September 18, 2009

beautiful one who perceives .

everything you thought that you ever knew about me is a lie.

pause.

i'm nothing like that other girl or the girl you kissed yesterday or the girl you knew last year.
you probably didn't know that.

money doesn't phase me.
i'm not obsessed with fashion.
i love sociology and public policy.

pause.

i do what i want within my limits with who i want within those limits.

i have an old school worldview.
i believe in love and marriage and the american dream.
and i blast earth, wind and fire and michael jackson when i'm riding in the car.

i put all of my trust in God. man is okay too sometimes =)

how much do you really know about me ? =x

Thursday, September 17, 2009

fear.

the hardest part is letting go of bitter generalizations and daunthing character traits.

fear

...that we may become better than who we are or less than what we were, alters our ego

or filters our alter ego

that desires to compete with superheroes that do not exist and reach undefined heights

but we're afraid of heights

that may leave us alone and TooCloseToTheEdge and too far from the ground

lifted



upside down and out of control with no choice but to keep going fast or else we will fall and keep

F
A
L
L
I
N
G
crashing into a safety net that peels success from our being like discouragement that rules our

lives in tyrrany like

royalty

is how we should perceive ourselves but we don't want to wear the heavy crown because it won't balance on its own.

the hardest part is letting go of bitter generalizations and daunting character traits.

fear.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Man on the Moon


kid cudi's first and supposedly last album was released today but I heard it a while ago. oops. lol. the album is quite interesting but not mind blowing. if you're looking for a chill song to listen to while you're reaching a certain altitude *cough* this album is definitely for you. and if you just enjoy a laid back artist with a different story to tell, this is for you too =]



favorite tracks : sky might fall , soundtrack to my life

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

the sky may fall...

memories of what used to be destroy his present perception.
a terribly twisted and woven web of deceit, lies and hate lay in the cusps of his cerebral,
consuming intelligent space of trust while disrupting his forethought.
tears drip drop from his heart and fall to his soul--drowning his faith in a pool of pain.
a disillusion causes him to draw irrational and immoral conclusions that stunt his emotional growth; (we call this puberty)
fallacies shackle and hang him in a cage filled with self-centered-ness.
a slave to fallacies at the center of himself.
emotionally disengaged with the opposite sex
threatened by her scent and prenuptial power, yet drawn to her physical being
like a bitch in heat, lust manifests itself and allows him to physically connect to anything to relieve his pain
drowning in his own disarray of feelings is referred to as femininity
and his apathy for the heart of another is referred to as masculinity.
socialized to accept temptation's invitation
he embodies the true qualities of a coward or an idiot.
constant clouds congregate around his mind
and meet just above his heart
only to be washed away by tears
and excreted like waste
he feels like waste.

he wonders if he'll ever love again...

Friday, September 4, 2009

rest in peace jasmine lynn.

the night before last, one of my spelman sisters, jasmine lynn, stepped out onto the infamous CAU promenade, not knowing or realizing that a few minutes later she would be struck by a stray bullet from the gun of an idiot. why ? why is it that we can not visit our friends in our AUC community ? why did an innocent 19 year old girl have to die in order for atlanta police to get a wake up call ? my prayers go out to her family and friends at spelman and in kansas city. i can't imagine waking up at 2 am and receiving a phone call that your daughter, who you just dropped off at school two weeks ago to begin her sophomore year, is gone. even as i am writing this, tears fill my eyes because i can't imagine the pain that her friends and family are experiencing at this very moment. they trusted spelman to take care of their child and within a blink of an eye, she's no longer on earth with us. i didn't know her personally, but from what i hear and from what i've seen, she was a fun-loving, outgoing, spelmanite who's life ended wayyy too soon.

sometimes we ask God, why he takes our youth away from us so suddenly ? death is something that everyone has to face but why so soon and abruptly ? i think God was telling us to wake up and realize that tomorrow is never promised. be thankful for all of our blessings. never take life or friendship for granted. if you love someone, tell them every chance that you get. on top of that, we need to do something about this community that we are living in. we come to school to become doctors, lawyers, politicians, teachers so how are we going to begin to prepare to help the african american community ?

what will it take ? how many more deaths or shootings or robberies will have to occur around here for somebody to get the picture ? jasmine lynn was not the first but she should definitely be the last.

you come to school to get away from crime and ignorance, to better yourself so that you won't have to deal with violence, to be able to escape the statistics, only to have it staring you in the face no matter how far you go. that's the scariest thing for me - knowing that no matter what you do, you can' get away from it.

rest in peace jasmine lynn c/o 2012.

Friday, August 28, 2009

lesson learned.

on april 4, 2009 , i received a phone call from my mother who was in north carolina with all of my cousins and extended family for my little cousin's bday. when i talked to my cousin's grandmother, she asked when i was coming back to north carolina since i hadn't visited in about 2 years. it seems like every summer after 10th grade, i'd been too busy to go down there. i told her i would be back during summer 2009 and i had every intention of doing so . . . but i never got a chance to.

last night, my mother called to tell me that mama spence passed away.

naturally, i won't be able to attend the funeral because i'm away at school and i don't have the means to go to north carolina.

lesson learned : never get too busy for family or friends. you never know when it'll be your last chance to see them =/

Thursday, August 27, 2009

THIS IS CRAZY!

this video will really change your perspective on life !

READY ? yuuup!





so this is a double feature =) in light of trey songz' new album 'READY' which is to debut next tuesday, this will be a album critique//straight yummy!

i've already heard the tracks and let me say, this is true love making music.

p a u s e.


lol, but i can't name any favorite tracks because i pretty much love them all not to mention, i just love trey period. yuuup!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

straight yummy.

this is a new segment of my blog so stay tuned.


SHIA LABEOUF has come a LONG way from 'even stevens' lemmetellya =] & oooh he can get it !

Monday, August 24, 2009

vegas baby.

about a month ago i went to las vegas with mi familia =) it was awesome to say the least.










the facts of life.

perfection is impossible. it's more possible for everyone to be the same person. the only perfect being is beyond our world and is not a human being at all.

love is inevitable. contrary to popular belief, when you run into that special someone, you'll know it and you won't be able to help falling in love with them, no matter how hard you try.

dudes like class. idk how many times i have heard a guy say, "damn, she's classy. i like that". even though they may seem to be searching for a quick chick, in the long run it's the girl with the intelligence, beauty and self-respect that will win a guy's heart.

life is about the journey, not the destination. you can not live your life just to make it to the other side. you have to enjoy the steps that you take along the way. live in the moment. learn from your mistakes. make a difference. cherish experiences and opportunities. if not, that destination will be meaningless and your sense of accomplishment will be flawed.

honesty will never go out of style. there's nothing that i enjoy more than pure honesty from a good friend. i love to know exactly what people are thinking even if it's not necessarily what i would like to hear. (#fact : you can win a girl's heart with honesty.)

never bite off more than you can chew. some people are the ultimate multitaskers. that's how they live their lives and they do so comfortably. don't try to do the most when you can not handle it. period. it will stress you out and leave you in mess. (this applies to every aspect of your life.)

put God first in everything you do and you will not fail. period.

nobody can do you, better than you. in other words, sex can wait. your future can't. don't let a dude determine your self worth by having sex with him. better yet, don't let ANYBODY determine your self worth at all.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. open for interpretation.

if you think he/she will cheat, they will. idk how many times i have heard someone say, "he was looking at that little skinny girl with the wrap". and??? if you don't have the confidence that they'll stay, why would/should they ?

everything is good in moderation. too much of anything has the potential of being bad for you -- even if you can't directly see the negative effects. i.e. sex is better when you don't have it every day.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

my deepest apologies =)

i have been experiencing some technical difficulties with my laptop so i haven't been blogging all summer. "i'm sawwy" as omar would say lol. but i promise that once school starts, i will be back on my grind and blogging as usual.
love you guys! *muah*


Friday, July 17, 2009

more bold than beautiful =/

lately I have been listening to nothing but mj tracks because his music just completely captivates me. the beat is amazing. the instrumental just makes you wanna dance and snap and rock from side to side. i subconsciously do it every time i hear his voice. there's something about a real artist that i truly enjoy. however, when i do decide to take a break from my mj history album, i am somewhat annoyed. the first time i heard the song 'wet' by twista i was so unbelievably disgusted and uncomfortable that i didn't even want to listen. so much for mystery. and when i change the channel i hear 'birthday sex' (which i never really liked to begin with). oh and when i change the channel again, i hear 'every girl'. now don't get me wrong ; i listen to my set of raunchy music every now and then but what ever happened to REAL music. REAL lyrics. REAL love songs. REAL beats. REAL singers. back in the day, my parents listened to songs like 'let's get it on' by marvin gaye which could be placed in a sexual category but the beat, the lyrics and his voice are smooth and rich. whereas now and days we have no problem with making a record saying that 'i wanna f*ck you. we don't have to be in love. its whatever. spread your legs. suck my...' well, you get the point. but i would die for some dru hill or boyz II men. the kind of songs that are actual love songs. but of course my generation doesn't believe in love so there goes that idea.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Break Up

why is mario bald ? idk but i actually enjoy this video. good look for my hometown : )


foolish.

lately i have been questioning the meaning of friendship.
i think that often we want to be popular. we want to be that "it" girl or guy that everybody knows and wants to know. but is it not enough to have a few best friends and have a couple of GOOD friends and then leave everybody else to be labeled an associate ? that's good enough for me.
by now, we should know when someone is using us or being genuine. we should be able to tell the difference between someone who is plastic and someone who has substance and can contribute to our lives. but for those of us who can't figure these things out . . .

Sunday, July 5, 2009

june 30, 2009


birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne...you get the drift =]

Friday, June 26, 2009

King of Pop: Michael Jackson.



there are certain people that you expect to live forever.


it all started with my old school parents who taped every Michael Jackson event in the 80s and 90s starting with the Motown 25 year anniversary show where he debuted the infamous moonwalk. my best friend who is a big fan of Michael turned me on to him and the Jackson 5 -- full blast. she gave me some of her jackson 5 cds and we used to get on the phone and jam to michael jackson songs -- yes we sang on the phone because we were bored and we loved music. lol. but most importantly i connected with michael on a level that i did not connect with other artists even though he wasn't exactly "of my generation". that's neither here nor there. so here it is,


Dear Michael,

when i woke up this morning i thought today was going to be a GREAT day. i was happy, rejuvenated and excited about the sweltering heat that had finally come my way. then around 530 pm i heard the news that God (or Jehovah in your case) had come to take you home. and i screamed in disbelief, disappointment and sadness. you are the only artist that has caused me to burst into tears in the middle of the street because you are at your final rest. but I'm happy because that's exactly what you needed. rest. rest from the drama, accusations, negativity and pressure. rest from this world. you've left behind a PHENOMENAL legacy that i have yet to experience from any other artist in my life. i feel like i know you because it's like i watched you grow up but not really since i wasn't there at the time. lol. thank you for showing the world what true music sounds like and what a true entertainer is. your dance moves and music are both inspiring and sensational. you truly and wholeheartedly will be missed.


with love,
Jamila Davis

A week ago I asked the question 'what if michael jackson died ?' i wish i never had to know the answer to that question.

Monday, June 22, 2009

you know what really grinds my gears ?

1. ...when people fall asleep on me at their house. i could have stayed home for that.
2. ...when people try to tell you who to invite to something that you planned.
3. ...people that pop in and out of my life.
4. ...when people lie about stupid stuff that i probably don't really give a sh*t about.
5. ...when i ask a question and get answered with a question ?
6. ...when my father eats the food that he KNOWS my mom bought for me !
7. ...when people say that they wanna see me but then for some reason, it never happens. and then they say "omg where have you been ?" wtf.
8. ...when people drive 10 mph on a single laned road. arrgggh =/
9. ...when people drive like assholes in the rain...or sun...or just in general !
10. ...when people run through red lights after its been red for 15 seconds.
11. ...when the police tell me that i can't double park when i'm waiting for someone. stfu !
12. ...when the police tell boys that they can't stand outside and converse in front of their own house. every black man is not a drug dealer.
13. ...when GROWN MEN tell me that i'm beautiful. clearly you're 40.
14. ...when people tell you to pull over so that they can talk to you while they are walking. you're walking. i'm driving. do you see anything wrong with this pictura ?
15. ...when dudes say "ay yo" to get my attention and then ask "you don't hear me talking to you ?" shut up talking to me.
16. ghetto girls.
17. sticky or messy hands or fingers.
18. trifling parents.
19. i g n o r a n c e
20. ...when people complain about every little thing obama does -- like killing a freakin fly ! wtf ?