Thursday, February 26, 2009

U R I K A!

Sooooo I finally get it. This week I came to the realization that I get it. No more questioning if I'm doing the right thing. No more questioning if I'm where I'm supposed to be. I finally feel like ... ME. I've been wondering where she was. Where is this girl that I'm supposed to be so close to? I've finally found her. She's here with me, today. Right now. I've always wondered what it would feel like to feel like your life is complete---to feel like a new person---to feel like you got your life back...and now I kinda know.

For so long, she's been in this dark place where no one could get in or out and today GOD spoke to her. HE told her to hold HIS hand and they walked together out of this dark, scary tunnel that she's been hiding in for yearsssss. And I feel sooooo brand new. I have a reason to smile again and nobody else made me do it--just US. It was just me coming to the conclusion that I don't need anybody else. I love the people that are in my life as of today and if more people would like to hop on the bandwagon, go for it. But for right now, I'm thankful. I'm glad to be out of that dark place. I'm happy I've found YOU again =]

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

eye dee kay.

when did the concept of you & me become so complex? it seems like i just met you yesterday and simply said "hello" but now goodbye has become the better word of choice for you & me. when did us become such a fluent concept? when did we become you? i don't know when the simplicity of our lives took the nearest exit but apparently i was still riding down that same interstate when you took a pit stop.

when did it get confusing? when did things become so...complicated. when did we let go of together? and begin searching for tomorrow, the next best thing. when did you step to the ledge and when did i push you? where were we 3 years ago? where are you now?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Mr. && Mrs. Perfect

he loves her.
she loves him more.
they live on the same side of town.
he walks, she drives.

he doesn't call like he should.
she doesn't listen.
he's always late with excuses.
she's always calling.

he doesn't give a f*ck.
she's always giving up.
he does what he wants.
she walks the line.

he has a bad temper.
she has a worse attitude.
he's nonchalant.
she's an instigator.

they get on each other's nerves.
they often get in fights.
they both live for one another.
they're Mr. && Mrs. Perfect.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


We roll the dice and play the hand that's dealt to us but life is not a game. If you treat it like one, you will not pass go and collect $200 but you will go directly to jail and guess what? There's no get out of jail free card. And $$$ only comes in one color and you can't just get money from the bank and "start". That's not how life works. We can't just pick new cards when we don't like the ones we got. That's cheating. We can't take advantage of an unaware opponent. We can't take chances hoping that we won't lose.

19 months ago, he disappeared. The last thing he saw were the orange flames rising around him, on his body, in his face. His screams, discarded. No response. Charred beyond recognition. And he didn't even make the f*ckin news.


This is why i can semi-get through college =]

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Before I go to bed at night, I look at my phone. I set my alarm clock and try to calculate how long it will take me to achieve a normal amount of sleep without being completely drained and when I wake up without hearing the alarm, I stare at the time. I dread the time that I have left until I absolutely have to get up out of bed. When I wake up in the morning, I search for clocks. If you show me a show that's on, I'll tell you what time it is.

But sometimes I panic. What time is it? How much time until the sun goes down? How much time until I have to be here or there? How much time do I have left to eat dinner? How long have I been asleep? What time is it?!?

Why is that? Why is it that we're constantly checking our phones, ipods, watches, clocks, and tv shows to figure out what time it is and why is it that we panic when we realize it's a certain time?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Love brings change.

I was normal before I met you. I woke up everyday, ironed my clothes, took a shower, brushed my teeth, washed my face, put on my clothes, brushed my hair, moisturized my face and walked out the door without even eating. I sat in class, I answered questions, wrote papers, took naps, and smiled.

Then I met you.

I woke up -- thinking about you, stared at the wall, looked at my phone -- smiled at text messages, stared in the mirror, then started my day. I started my days eating poptarts and drinking Capri- Suns, listening to love songs, texting, frowning, sitting in class, hooking class, rolling my eyes, combing my hair...constantly staring in the mirror to see what you saw.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


How can a beautiful dream turn into your worst nightmare? When we fall asleep at night, we hope for the best. It's our chance to start over -- to forget about yesterday and focus on tomorrow. But what if your dreams turn into nightmares? Our chance to sleep and move on is interrupted and sometimes completely obstructed and we're left with nothing but a bad yesterday and tonight's nightmare...that sucks.

But sometimes we have beautiful dreams -- dreams of the ones we love who are no longer with us, dreams of those who are near and far, dreams of the future or dreams of memories of the past that we want to hold onto forever. So what is a dream really? People would like to believe they're pictures of what we would like to happen or even what could happen...created by the pleasant bits and pieces of our lives. But how could that be true? Some dreams have no sequence or clarity. They're just a bunch of bullsh*t. Or maybe not.

finally, an answer.

she walked through life pretending. pretending to be happy. pretending to be OK. but she never complained. she never told. she hid under her bed, under the covers, beneath it all. snot stains and tissue residue slept where she used to lay. but she never complained. a gaping hole, a dead heart, a mute soul. it was her. she was it. her lips were chapped, her chapstick gone. black shadows circulate her beautiful almond shaped eyes. her tongue--dried. third story building. an open window. finally. an answer.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

december 23, 2008

He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up.
When I open my eyes, my heart is already awake.
He’s the last person I think about before I go sleep.
Love never sleeps, so neither do I.
When we’re together, I’m the happiest I could ever be.
The rainy days stay far away with my love.
He’s the person that holds my heart in his hand.
His key unlocks the treasure I possess.
I prayed for God to save me.
HE sent me an angel.
He’s the first and only guy to ever break my heart.
The world broke apart what only he and I could put together.
Forgiveness healed us as much as time.
As I tried to replace the pieces of me.
But a hollow place stood still in my heart.
When I thought I was blind, he made me see.
When I started to dive off that cliff, you caught me with open arms.
“Love of my life, you are my friend.”
I would go through hell just for him.
And he would be heaven, just for me.

something special.

Love is AMAZING to me. period.

IL the Crew.

I have best friends. They're amazing. The end.

Hate cupid much>?

The L word--is so controversial in the Black community to the point where people don't even believe it exists anymore...why? Because our hearts have been hardened and trained to underestimate every person of the opposite sex that enters our world? or because we just can't leave space in our lives for the L word and the responsibilities that come with it? Either way, we're not comfortable with living in a world where our hearts not only exist in our bodies but in someone elses. It bothers us to sacrifice ourselves for another human being because of the chance that that person may not reciprocate. But isn't it better to experience it and face possible pain than to never know what it feels like at all? We learn from our mistakes but that doesn't mean we have to live by them. So next time you feel yourself stepping into that box of cynicism ask yourself, "Hate cupid much?"