Wednesday, September 30, 2009

straight yummy .

his name is adam rodriguez. he played on csi : miami for a while and recently he starred in tyler perry's i can do bad by myself. 1/3 cubano and 3/4 puerto rican ! anddd he's an avid obama supporter. yummm.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

just breathe.

today seemed like the worse.

i had a test that i didn't fully study for, a thesis paper due for an unsure idea and back to back classes and meetings. 4 to 5 hours of sleep. decisions slapping me in the face left and right. questions about the future. it all came crashing down on me at one moment. i call it college.

i called mom and she lifted my spirits being supportive and offering advice as usual.

then i called stan the man, who is always comforting and offering advice based on how intimately he knows me. and then my bro marvin got on the phone being the icing on the cake. he told me "not to quit and keep competing with these bxtches and stay on my shxt." lmao.

i love my family and friends from back home. they always know just what to say to make me smile. just to know that there are so many people rooting for me, makes me breathe easier.

Friday, September 25, 2009


when i found out you were coming, i felt my stomach at my feet. i could barely fathom the concept of my own life. . . let alone the life of another. in disbelief, i lost it and wondered if anyone else knew. every hour of every day was unfocused. my teeth grinding. my skin pale. my eyes red. i took a chance and made mistakes and now i thought the whole world was watching. paranoid. delusional. scared. barely sleeping or eating. i tried to make myself believe that you would go away but you didn't. you stayed and you made me sick to my stomach every day you were here. i despised you but i despised myself even more. i couldn't look in the mirror. i couldn't look into anyone's eyes. there could be no we. that's what i decided for me. a decision that made you disappear forever that made my heart dissipate into small piece scattered like ashes in the wind. you loved me but i couldn't love you more than i loved myself.


when you used to hold me at night, i felt safe. i felt a sense of well being for at least one part of my day - almost every day. the uncontrollable shaking, coughing and nausea that consumed my body when i should have been sleeping began to take a toll on who i was. it began to take a toll on you. your brown eyes reflected everything that you saw in me. but i never saw fear. i never saw doubt. i never saw unhappiness. all i saw was love. all of the times that you picked me up from the ground, held a cold washcloth over my forehead, gave me water and rubbed my back were not in vain. my weakness didn't matter because you were stronger than the both of us. the constant nightmares that interrupted your slumber and mine are gone now. and all that's left is us.


and just when you think your life is a complete mess, remember that you are blessed.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


something about you entices my senses .
your scent is like heroin that fills every crevice of my being .
i'm hooked .
i crave the pinch that indicates that soon my cravings will subside .
but when the needle infiltrates my veins , it's intense .
instead of being relaxed , my feelings are intensified .
the magnitude of my inner thoughts increases .
and i feel as if my mind is frozen , shocked by a irreplicable drug .
pain is anticipated but the momentary feeling is sweet
like a diabetic cheat .
you delve into the deepest part of me
a unique experience that ignites my blood,
makes my cheeks red and my limbs soft,
and my heart softer
until it explodes .

Saturday, September 19, 2009

f y i .

i love quotes in case you didn't know. so here are a few of my favorites !

i believe that harmonies are colors. every time i paint, it sharpens my harmonies. yesterday i tried to paint you but the colors weren't beautiful enough. your love goes beyond what i can say.

and i don't think you're beautiful ; i think you're beyond it.

maturity is when selfish behavior leaves the room and self control steps in.

god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change ; courage to change the things that i can ; and wisdom to know the difference .

imma throw shade if i can't get paid. lol.

in the beginning was the word and the word was with GOD and the word was GOD.

an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

[subject to change]

Friday, September 18, 2009

beautiful one who perceives .

everything you thought that you ever knew about me is a lie.


i'm nothing like that other girl or the girl you kissed yesterday or the girl you knew last year.
you probably didn't know that.

money doesn't phase me.
i'm not obsessed with fashion.
i love sociology and public policy.


i do what i want within my limits with who i want within those limits.

i have an old school worldview.
i believe in love and marriage and the american dream.
and i blast earth, wind and fire and michael jackson when i'm riding in the car.

i put all of my trust in God. man is okay too sometimes =)

how much do you really know about me ? =x

Thursday, September 17, 2009


the hardest part is letting go of bitter generalizations and daunthing character traits.


...that we may become better than who we are or less than what we were, alters our ego

or filters our alter ego

that desires to compete with superheroes that do not exist and reach undefined heights

but we're afraid of heights

that may leave us alone and TooCloseToTheEdge and too far from the ground


upside down and out of control with no choice but to keep going fast or else we will fall and keep

crashing into a safety net that peels success from our being like discouragement that rules our

lives in tyrrany like


is how we should perceive ourselves but we don't want to wear the heavy crown because it won't balance on its own.

the hardest part is letting go of bitter generalizations and daunting character traits.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Man on the Moon

kid cudi's first and supposedly last album was released today but I heard it a while ago. oops. lol. the album is quite interesting but not mind blowing. if you're looking for a chill song to listen to while you're reaching a certain altitude *cough* this album is definitely for you. and if you just enjoy a laid back artist with a different story to tell, this is for you too =]

favorite tracks : sky might fall , soundtrack to my life

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

the sky may fall...

memories of what used to be destroy his present perception.
a terribly twisted and woven web of deceit, lies and hate lay in the cusps of his cerebral,
consuming intelligent space of trust while disrupting his forethought.
tears drip drop from his heart and fall to his soul--drowning his faith in a pool of pain.
a disillusion causes him to draw irrational and immoral conclusions that stunt his emotional growth; (we call this puberty)
fallacies shackle and hang him in a cage filled with self-centered-ness.
a slave to fallacies at the center of himself.
emotionally disengaged with the opposite sex
threatened by her scent and prenuptial power, yet drawn to her physical being
like a bitch in heat, lust manifests itself and allows him to physically connect to anything to relieve his pain
drowning in his own disarray of feelings is referred to as femininity
and his apathy for the heart of another is referred to as masculinity.
socialized to accept temptation's invitation
he embodies the true qualities of a coward or an idiot.
constant clouds congregate around his mind
and meet just above his heart
only to be washed away by tears
and excreted like waste
he feels like waste.

he wonders if he'll ever love again...

Friday, September 4, 2009

rest in peace jasmine lynn.

the night before last, one of my spelman sisters, jasmine lynn, stepped out onto the infamous CAU promenade, not knowing or realizing that a few minutes later she would be struck by a stray bullet from the gun of an idiot. why ? why is it that we can not visit our friends in our AUC community ? why did an innocent 19 year old girl have to die in order for atlanta police to get a wake up call ? my prayers go out to her family and friends at spelman and in kansas city. i can't imagine waking up at 2 am and receiving a phone call that your daughter, who you just dropped off at school two weeks ago to begin her sophomore year, is gone. even as i am writing this, tears fill my eyes because i can't imagine the pain that her friends and family are experiencing at this very moment. they trusted spelman to take care of their child and within a blink of an eye, she's no longer on earth with us. i didn't know her personally, but from what i hear and from what i've seen, she was a fun-loving, outgoing, spelmanite who's life ended wayyy too soon.

sometimes we ask God, why he takes our youth away from us so suddenly ? death is something that everyone has to face but why so soon and abruptly ? i think God was telling us to wake up and realize that tomorrow is never promised. be thankful for all of our blessings. never take life or friendship for granted. if you love someone, tell them every chance that you get. on top of that, we need to do something about this community that we are living in. we come to school to become doctors, lawyers, politicians, teachers so how are we going to begin to prepare to help the african american community ?

what will it take ? how many more deaths or shootings or robberies will have to occur around here for somebody to get the picture ? jasmine lynn was not the first but she should definitely be the last.

you come to school to get away from crime and ignorance, to better yourself so that you won't have to deal with violence, to be able to escape the statistics, only to have it staring you in the face no matter how far you go. that's the scariest thing for me - knowing that no matter what you do, you can' get away from it.

rest in peace jasmine lynn c/o 2012.