Wednesday, October 28, 2009


we are all human but how come we can't accomplish basic human interactions ? genuine hugs are uncommon. we lack the energy or desire to participate in genuine conversation with one another -- especially the opposite sex. we view crying as a weakness. we oppress our feelings. we dispel our thoughts. we're engulfed in work and school. we are trained to be self sufficient. money has become our main motive for success. happiness is searched for but often equated with what we want instead of what we have. we spend hours with technology and we barely pay attention to the world around us.

we are desensitized to violence and death -- or at least we pretend to be. being afraid is seen as a reflection of inadequacy. people like people for what they have, not who they are. true friends are limited and our social lives are based on drugs, alcohol and parties. we learn about other people through their tweets and judge them by their facebook pictures. we probably have never held a conversation with any of the people we "know" a day in our lives.

our lives have become mechanic. at any time, we are susceptible to crash. and it's not that we want to be robotic, but we have been programmed to think that emotion is negative. we are afraid that carrying out human emotion will destroy our system. we fear that emotion will stop our heart, soften our backbone and peel layers from our skin. emotion has become acidic to us. why do we view our feelings as pathogens ? why do we believed that whatever our mind can not necessarily control is trying to attack us ? why are we attacking ourselves ?

Sunday, October 25, 2009


i tip toe around your thoughts because i'm afraid that you'll open the door
only to slam it in my face
i whisper to circumvent your reactions --
that slip through your lips so unbecomingly
and push me back 200 feet away from you . . .
that make me just walk away
so that i can ignore your short-comings and bury my insecurities
and disguise unrealistic dreams as hopeless possibilities
i suffocate . . . believing that you will help me breathe
instead you suck my last breath
and i choke on frustration that infiltrates my airways
it can easily stop my heartbeat.

i watch the hour hand over and over again
i watch the numbers on the calendar come and go
and you still remain the same
as my lipstick color brightens and make-up paints my face
and my eyes turn red and gaze at the same spot in admiration
my heart softens, my jaws clinch, i stop breathing.

h e a r t b r e a k.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

it's not a game =/

in addition to breast cancer awareness month, it's domestic violence awareness month as well. most people say it could never happen to them, but only GOD knows what will happen to you. we criticize domestic violence vicitms for not getting out of the situation but when your life is on the line, there is no telling what you will do.

when somebody is holding a gun to your head, they are controlling your life at the end of that barrel. you could be wiped off of the earth in a second or live to see your child graduate from kindergarten. it's not as clear cut as most people would think. and as much as you may hate the person holding that gun to your head, you can't just walk away. why ? because you're afraid. not because you love him. not because of the kids. simply because you fear for your life. and as crazy as it may sound, if you had to choose between being smacked and being shot, what would you choose ? at that moment, what would you do ?

now in no way am i saying that domestic abuse is okay or that victims should stay because they're scared. i'm just laying out the situation for those who are blind or ignorant. people say "leave the first time that he hits you". but before you judge, stop and think that it could have been you.

domestic violence is serious. it's not funny. it's not a game. we shouldn't criticize the victims.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


i see you slowly changing
and i watch you flicker like a candle in the dark
i inhale one more time.

you've soaked up all of the warmth that I have given you
and now you're leaving me
gently falling
being carried away with the wind

i chase you because i am foolish
because i want you to stay
because i am selfish

now i'm cold
and you're nothing but a bittersweet memory
molded into the earth and forever in my heart

Sunday, October 11, 2009


midterms are this week and i plan on spending every minute working on this 4.0. i speak greatness into existence because i believe in GOD and i believe in P.U.S.H. pray until something happens. good luck!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

twibbon <3

october is breast cancer awareness month and i love the fact that twitter has added a "twibbon" aka a pink ribbon to pictures of those who retweeted the suggestion. think pink :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

can we kick it ?

scientists predict that by the year of 2020, the leading disease in the U.S. will be depression.

with all of the technology that infilitrates our day to day lives, it's hard to even have physical human contact with another person. even when we are face to face with other people, we are constantly looking at our phones, ipods, mp3s, or laptops. humans are naturally social creatures so that lack of socializing will eventually take a serious toll on americans -- if it hasn't already. i've noticed that i barely call anyone on the phone except for my mother or my dude because for our generation, phone calls are unneccessary. texting is easier because you don't have to actually speak. a person can send a text and feel a certain kind of way and the person receiving that text would never know. all you have to do is look down at your phone to keep up with what's going on. you could go all day without saying a word. it's sad really.

i can see how depression will set in. i am the type of person that doesn't neccessarily like to be around people 24/7 but i do like to talk. and when i am unable to do that, it affects my mood and my morale.

it's becoming harder and harder to develop relationships around so much technology. facebook and twitter posts express feelings of love and/or hate towards other people or a significant other. instead of talking to one another, people vent on their statuses to gain public attention or opinion. relationships are no longer between 2 people. it's between those 2 people, facebook, twitter and anybody else who decides to read along.

will we as americans ever be able to effectively communicate in a few years ?

lmao! funniest ish everrrr.

if you don't think this is funny, i feel sorry for you. lol.

this is not about the music, lol.

i'm sorry but aubrey and marshall make my life in this video. super yummmy!

Monday, October 5, 2009

stress reliever.

make my pupils dilate.

take me to un-natural heights that cloud my brain and blur my vision.

white green purple.

soar above the clouds and across the world.

elevate my senses.

starve me for more.

make me shake and quiver, convulsing.

chills chase the sweat up and down my spine.

complete delirium.


i don't wanna come down.

Friday, October 2, 2009

black barbies.

for all of those young black women who love to call themselves barbie dolls, here you go. mattel has released a new line of black barbies called the so in style aka s.i.s barbies. personally, i don't think that anything about the barbie dolls is offensive. people say that because they're wearing gold earrings and silver chains that its racist. one person said "all black people don't like hip hop". all white people aren't driving pink convertibles or wearing mini skirts but barbie does. what they're wearing is beside the point. it's a toy.
the dolls come with a little sister to promote mentoring which is another cool aspect. on top of that, these dolls are for CHILDREN, not for adults. growing up, my parents would not even purchase white dolls period. so i always had to play with crystal or the hispanic barbie or the special edition brandy doll. lol. i couldn't comb through their hair and that sucked then. but these barbies allow you to comb through their hair, wash it, curl it and straighten it. yet, people are saying that it's offensive because all black people don't have kinky hair.

if you don't like the dolls, you don't have to buy them. but otherwise, shup up and let the kids play.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

let me set the record straight.

i think the hardest thing to understand is the disillusionment of the concept of love. yes, it is beautiful. but it is not always kind. every now and then, you will argue, not fight (domestic violence is not okay lol). and she will push all of your buttons because that's what girls like to do. and he will put on his best nonchalant suit and try to ignore everything that you say because that's what guys like to do.

when she's in a bad mood, you'll have to try to lighten the mood without pissing her off. when he's not communicating, you'll have to get his attention even when you don't have the energy. sometimes you'll have to listen to her long, detailed stories when you haven't had any sleep. [she'll need your shoulder to cry on] there are times when you'll have to look her in the face and lie and tell her that everything will be ok -- even if you know that it won't be. there will be times when he'll need you to have more faith in him than he has in himself. there will be a lot of tears, anger, confusion and frustration. but there will also be a lot of happiness, smiles, and moments that will last forever. you won't always understand her and she won't always understand you. and sometimes you'll think about walking away. you'll think about indulging that guy you met across the street. you'll think about calling that girl who makes you laugh and forget about your problems. you'll think about saying "fxck you". and sometimes, you just might.

but it's not all bad. there will be a week where everything is great and you'll both spend the majority of the time smiling at each other and building memories. you'll spend time laughing and enjoying each other's company. you'll learn that you are both multifaceted people with multifaceted needs. you'll learn what it means to love.