Friday, November 13, 2009

broken music box.

all i wanna do is express my creativity.

i feel like besides my blog, my creativity has been locked in a box that can only be opened by the right person. i tried to put my writing out there but there are too many rules and stipulations. i have to choose certain words and certain topics. i can't be controversial without being conservative. so i'm left with my blog and my personal thoughts. people often say that i am a quiet person. that's true but that's mainly because i'm observing. i'm observing everything and everybody around me so that i can write about it later. lol. that may offend some people and excite others. either way, i try to get my ideas out there in other ways that don't require speech. haha.

in high school and middle school, the box was open. i sang my heart out. EVERY SINGLE DAY. choir facilitated that. church facilitated that. my musically inclined friends facilitated that. my heart was open. i've come to the point where i don't even sing in my room. why ? i feel like i'm afraid that people will judge me. i don't wanna disturb my roommate. i don't wanna receive criticism. all i wanna do is sing. but then again, i barely even have time for that. once i get out of class, go to all of the meetings, eat, and do homework, i pass out. leaving little time for me to even listen to music. lol. i feel like i'm being forced into a corner of a locked box...crowded by stress and frustration. i wish i knew somebody who had the key to let me out =\

GOD gives us AMAZING talents and when we don't use them, he takes them away. and that's a scary thought.

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