2 a.m. thoughts

1. this essay is so long that i cannot put myself through the excruciating pain or re-reading and editing it.

2. why does the second floor of the science center smell like burnt popcorn ? the better question is, how do you STILL burn popcorn at the age of 20 ?

3. is she really going out with him ?

4. i cannot wait to eat again, lol.

5. who hires the lab monitors for the 24 hr computer lab ?

6. maybe i should cut my hair when i come back from ghana since it'll probably become damaged anyway.

7. usher's confessions album is one of the only albums i can listen to from beginning to end without skipping any songs.

8. what's cool anymore ?

9. i remember being such a geek that people laughed in my face and i said nothing back, lol.

10. they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. but nobody ever says what happens when you actually get killed...

11. russian roulette by rihanna is crazy, but i love it.

12. i don't regret anything yet you're on my mind at 2:09 a.m.

13. guys really do think about women in terms of sex. how sad.

14. sophomore year was boring but somehow i'm inspired ; i miss home.

ahhhhh !

after reading a 50 page discussion about politics in nigeria, i flip to april 21, 2010 in my planner and realize that i have more 50 page readings, articles, 10 pg papers and extra credit assignments that need to be done in a matter of days and in some cases hours. as i scramble around my desk and sort through piles of essays, notebooks and ethnographic literature in search for research paper guidelines, i want to scream. grades, finals, applications. it all becomes too much for one person. but after scuffling through all of the junk that i've consumed during my sophomore year i come across a picture of myself and someone special to me. i realize that life isn't so bad after all because it's JUST school. when i leave for summer vacation, i can't go back and change the outcome of any situation from this semester. all i can do is move forward and pray that i will do better next time. life exists outside of these four walls called college. we're only here for FOUR years. TWO have already flown by. the years that are supposed to be the best years of our lives should be just that. so let's make memories :)

too connected.

obviously the past 10 years have been dominated by social networking sites -- from black planet to myspace to facebook to twitter -- how connected is TOO connected ? how affected are we by these internet sites ? last night i came to the realization that i am too connected to people who are not even my friends or associates through facebook and twitter to the point that i cannot concentrate on school because i have to know what is going on around me 24/7. ummm that's not healthy, lol.

here's my problem :

first of all, you can find out everything you need to know about a person without actually knowing them. a complete stranger can request to be your "friend" and just because you went/go to the same school or have "mutual friends", you accept them. they want to basically be nosy and see what you're about without ever holding a conversation with you. is there something wrong with that picture ? i think so.

second of all, i get tired of people telling me that they miss me so much but they have yet to pick up the phone to call or text me to actually tell me that they miss me. why is being able to see my statuses and recently uploaded or tagged pictures enough for you not to bother to hold a real conversation with me ? to me, that's unacceptable because before social networking, people actually communicated instead of pressing the "like" button underneath my pictures of statuses.

(yeah, i'm a little upset. lol.)

finally, people assume that they deserve to know my every movement and thought throughout the day because that's what we've become used to. NO, you do not get the pleasure of finding out where i am, who i am with or what i am doing via internet. again, if you really are that interested, take down my number or hit me up. otherwise, you don't deserve to know anything that you haven't asked.

something you forgot.

why are we trapped in a cage of rationalization ? we want an explanation for everything. we try to make decisions for our emotions. we convince ourselves, "this is who i want to be with" instead of being real and saying what is really in our heart -- "this is who i want since i can't have who i REALLY want".

we always want things to be clear, cut and dry but unfortunately life CANNOT be that way. we teeter on the line of safety and temptation. we wait in long lines in front of every conveniently open door. we don't wanna work to see what's behind the door that has already been locked. this open door is practically broken off of its hinges so why not walk right through, right ?

life is complicated but is it ? i mean, we can simplify communication. we can simplify travel. we can simplify dinner. we can simplify work.

BUT we STILL cannot simplify our emotions. damn.

where does the time go ?

yesterday, i graduated from kindergarten.

with the title of "the mayor of munchkin land" in the wizard of oz [school play] under my belt, i was ready. at 3'7, 50 lbs, i believed that i was 6 ft tall. the world was my playground -- literally. the concrete was full of opportunity. pastel chalk sticks covered the pavement until they were washed away by the steps of my neighbors and the scuffs of my shoes, jumping rope. any mistakes that were made in marking the concrete could easily be washed away by the lukewarm summer rain. my scars and bruises were temporary. they only covered the surface and existed far from the heart. easily mended by colorful band-aids with my favorite disney characters. the only thing that could make me cry was being told that I couldn't go outside and play or if i had to get my hair done, lol. the fireflies i chased landed right into my hands. i could keep them forever in my jar covered by aluminum foil, lol. and when and ONLY when i was ready, i could just let them go.

how different are things now ?