suffocation.

i tip toe around your thoughts because i'm afraid that you'll open the door
only to slam it in my face
i whisper to circumvent your reactions --
that slip through your lips so unbecomingly
and push me back 200 feet away from you . . .
that make me just walk away
so that i can ignore your short-comings and bury my insecurities
and disguise unrealistic dreams as hopeless possibilities
i suffocate . . . believing that you will help me breathe
instead you suck my last breath
and i choke on frustration that infiltrates my airways
it can easily stop my heartbeat.

i watch the hour hand over and over again
i watch the numbers on the calendar come and go
and you still remain the same
as my lipstick color brightens and make-up paints my face
and my eyes turn red and gaze at the same spot in admiration
my heart softens, my jaws clinch, i stop breathing.

h e a r t b r e a k.