Monday, May 18, 2009

back to my baltimore ways ?

. . .or maybe they never left.

i thought that when i came home , i would be the same positive , fun-loving , care-free , goofy person that i was in atlanta. i mean , i never really changed all that much right ?

but when i am home. when i am in this place , i feel trapped. i feel like i'm having an internal struggle with my alter ego. i don't know what i want or who i want it from. i don't know where i wanna be or who i wanna be with. wth.

when i come home, i feel a transformation kick in. i feel the need to mean mug females and talk about their trashy prom dresses or their childish dressing habits. i feel the need to be mean to people. i feel the need to be standoffish because i don't want to be taken advantage of. i feel like i am falling back into my baltimore ways. not to say it's my city's fault that i can be a real bxtch sometimes but there's definitely something about home that makes me scream anger--even if there's no one there =/


  1. I think what's happening right now is that our new locations are placebo's. Like because it's a place where we are on our own and where we feel like we're in control of EVERYTHING including our happiness, we tend to feel as though this place is the only place that we can act as such. We aren't two different people u know?.. like I know at school or in VA i would most likely talk about people and their prom dresses so it's not the city like u said. It's us. We have to stop putting everything on our environment and without restraint, have an intervention with ourselves so that we can stop having these feeling of split personalities and merge our 2 different characters to one. Sure it can't happen with the snap of our fingers but it's a process to work on and it starts with ourselves.

  2. i completely understand . its something about our hometowns that can make us lose the progress that we thought we made in college . its impressive that you checked yourself though . most people cant even do that . =/